I choose the word surrender. The reason is after 15 years being saved. I know deep in my heart I have not fully surrendered to Christ. It is in my heart do do so. I often get very upset with myself for not surrendering completely to Christ. I am now feeling like the ship without a rutter. I have slowly become double minded . Its terrible. I know better , I have brought people to Christ over the years but now I find myself losing faith and not fully trusting in Jesus Christ . I am ashamed and I have felt the lord tell me over and over “TRUST ME” I must change this pattern and 100 percent surrender is the only way.