Because I used to be so optimistic that no matter what – I always believed in new life and new beginnings. I feel so bashed in. It’s so hard physically to get from one end of the day to the other, I need help. I can’t generate it myself. Determination and discipline aren’t enough. Being ‘Still’, my word for last year helped me to float and rest even when I had to fight through things. Reconciling myself to my new image in a wheelchair, the disability, missing the gym and dance, so many things, so much pain to manage. But towards the end, there were too many battles to fight and somehow, through too many lost nights – working through too many of them, I lost that feeling of hope. I just kept trying to focus on the still, the calm, which had really helped but I wasn’t making enough time for it as I felt too tired, cut corners and then I lost the life and juicy fresh hope I love – the stuff of creativity. Art classes are really helping to bring something alive again, and I so want to nurture that. Already, I feel new life coming to writing projects I’d started and ideas for visual projects…so here’s hoping!